My husband went out with another woman the other day. Now, before you start thinking scandalous thoughts, relax. It wasn’t like that. I was supposed to go too. (Seriously, stop thinking scandalous thoughts!). We had made plans to go out for a special evening, and our good friend was going to treat us to a show and a very elaborate dinner to celebrate my birthday. We were so looking forward to the evening, looking forward to catching up with our friend, and to the magic of being out in Charleston on a Saturday night.
The day came, and I woke up not feeling so great.
The slight tickle in my throat from the night before turned into a sore throat, my nose ran like a faucet, and I had to make faces to keep from sneezing constantly. I thought, “If I get some rest today, maybe I’ll be ok tonight.” Not so much. By the evening, after I had taken about a four hour nap, I didn’t feel any better. I knew there was no way I could go out and enjoy the evening, and even if I tried, everyone who was around me that night would probably catch the plague from me.
The plans were already set.
The show tickets were already paid for, and the dinner reservation was already made. This was one of those reservations where if you didn’t make it, you would get charged anyway. I felt sick to my stomach about canceling because so much had gone into the plans for the evening! After a talk, I convinced my husband to go out with our friend and enjoy the evening without me. I know they both felt bad for me, but I was so grateful that they were able to go out and enjoy the plans! I was able to stay home and rest, and it was nice to know that the plans weren’t completely lost.
The point here is not about my husband going out with another woman.
It was the fact that we felt secure enough in our relationship that he could go out and enjoy plans we made without the fear of regret, jealousy, or resentment from me. There was also the added element of this being another woman that he was with, which brings me to my next point. Being secure in our relationship with each other and being completely open and honest from the start made it very easy for me to tell him to please go out and have a good time and not to worry about me. I knew it was just about friendship and that I didn’t have anything to worry about. A word of caution: I would not recommend doing this type of thing if there are any feelings of insecurity in your relationship, or if you’ve recently gone through any kind of relationship drama. Instead, your time would be better spent away from others (especially those of the opposite sex) and focusing more on what can be done to mend broken hearts.
Complete honesty from the beginning has been our way of getting to this point.
Alongside honesty comes being non-judgmental; giving the other person space to say what they need to say without feeling put down, resented, or inadequate. Knowing that I can say anything to my spouse and he can say anything to me without fear has helped us both to completely trust in each other.
I was asleep when he got home.
The next day, he told me about the lovely evening he had. I told him about how I enjoyed some quiet time and got to watch a movie I wanted to see that I knew he would have hated. As an added bonus, he brought home a delicious dessert for me to enjoy. Although I could not go, was it worth it for me to insist that he enjoy the evening? Absolutely.